The Purification & Consecration

It is long time for not updating my blog. Sorry that this blog is not sharing any information or knowledge, it's just for releasing my feeling about the soul purification and consecration.

It's just around 5 months ago to join this grade. This grade is much harder than I through before. There are nothing hard at Air and Earth, but now a great changing of myself - at this moment I only feel the angry and pain and not observed result yet - is being processing.

It started in May. I am not understand what the god, or fate, or universe, wants on me. Most of my file - family, friends, career - changed rapidly, or "damaged", in short period. When all problems seem to be ended at July - oh, another changing started.

Is it really purifying and conserving me? I am not sure. Even all the divination - many times of tarot & lenormand - shown that it is. In past 2 months I always in angry - some people said I looked like the fire is burning at my back. It looks like the Fire. When passing in July, I always in confusion. Why should I staying here, why life is necessary for me, or any reasons for living and not living here. I am in the status of water.

Will I back to status of Air and Earth? I am wondering.

Anyway, I have no practice so long ago - so long that I think the processes maybe stopped because of no connection with divine. NO. It keeps going.

Or maybe feeling better when I start practice again? No answer. Although every divination gave me a promise of good result but I really cannot see it. Crossing road, cloud, star - fool, judgement, sun - whatsoever. All Saying This Is What I Choose At The Beginning And Now Under The Black Mystery And Finally You Will Get What You Want.

What a good image... or imagination. Or illusion. Everything is just separated by a thin air. Who knows?

Maybe God know. But he say nothing to me.